New Englanders aren’t known for being flashy. We’re practical people. We value traditions. We tend to show love with homemade recipes, handshakes and stories instead of grand gestures. But when it comes to honoring someone we love, those small details mean everything.
That’s why personalizing a funeral has become so important to many families throughout New Hampshire and Vermont. The goal isn’t to put on a production. It’s simply to create a service that feels like the person being remembered. And there are many ways to do that.
Celebrating a Life, Not Just Marking a Loss
We’ve seen some wonderful tributes over the years.
One family transformed a visitation into a final Christmas celebration. Their mother had spent years collecting antique glass ornaments, and after family members selected the keepsakes they wanted, they decorated two Christmas trees covered with the remaining ornaments and displayed them during the services. Guests were invited to take an ornament home with them so a little piece of her would hang on Christmas trees for years to come.
Another family lost a woman who vacationed at Old Orchard Beach every summer. Her tradition was always the same. She would stop at her favorite coffee shop, grab a cup and head to the beach. Her family had the coffee shipped in and brewed during the visitation so everyone could enjoy one final cup with her.
We’ve also had a local gay men’s choir perform because a mother loved hearing her son sing. One retired Naval officer was laid out in a dinghy before cremation. A farming family transported their loved one to the cemetery on a hay trailer pulled by his own draft horses.
Sometimes the Smallest Details Matter Most
You don’t have to do any of those more intricate things, but you can. Sometimes personalizing a funeral is much simpler.
Maybe it’s displaying grandpa’s fishing poles or dad’s woodworking tools. Maybe it’s serving mom’s famous cookies after the service. Maybe it’s asking everyone to wear Patriots jerseys instead of black. Maybe it’s having your prized antique car parked outside the funeral home.
One family honored a woman who always dreamed of going to Hawaii by creating a luau-themed memorial complete with leis, tiki lamps and Hawaiian music. Another family had a daughter perform a duet with a video recording of her father singing. It was reminiscent of Natalie Cole singing with her father, Nat King Cole. There wasn’t a dry eye in the room.
Then there was the grandmother who considered her grandchildren her superheroes. She requested they carry her casket dressed as Wonder Woman, Batman, Superman and Spider-Man. Now that’s leaving people with a story.
Creating Lasting Memories for Family and Friends
Personalization doesn’t always mean changing the service itself. Sometimes it’s about giving guests something meaningful to remember.
We’ve seen families put out bowls of favorite candy, display home movies, invite guests to sign the casket with messages of love and provide unusual containers for cremated remains. Coffee cans, tackle boxes, pottery and baskets have all found new purposes reflecting the personality of the person being remembered.
We have also seen a renewed interest in home funerals and gatherings outside the walls of the funeral home. Whether it’s a camp, a family property or another location that holds special memories, holding part of the service in a meaningful place has a positive impact on family and friends.
There’s No Right or Wrong Way to Personalize a Funeral
The truth is, there are no points awarded for creativity. Planning a funeral is not a contest. You don’t need to feel pressure to come up with something unusual. Some families prefer a traditional service with familiar hymns and quiet reflection. Others want favorite songs, funny stories and a room full of laughter. Most fall somewhere in between.
The important thing is that the service reflects the person. When people leave, the greatest compliment isn’t hearing, “That was different.” It’s hearing someone say, “That was exactly who she was.”
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